Chapter 33: My Invisible Enemy

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The dreary winter and spring of 1968 turned into bright sunshine for me. I had the summer job of my dreams. However, it was quite different for my friend Marg, who tragically lost her mother and brother within the span of two weeks.

Near to the end of that school year, Marg seemed to fall apart. Her sister Krystyna phoned me several times and asked me to spend more time with Marg. She was very worried about her. She was also concerned that Marg was starting to associate with a group of girls she did not approve of. As Marg sought out these new friendships, she stopped calling me.

I finally managed to arrange a day when Marg agreed to spend time with me. It was late in the afternoon when I walked to Krystyna’s and knocked on her door. I could tell that Krystyna was delighted to see me, welcoming me with open arms.

Marg and I went out for a walk. We hardly talked. She seemed very depressed and sad, which was quite understandable. I didn’t know how to cheer her up. I didn’t know what to talk about that would make her happy. I avoided talking about all the sadness and grief, we had talked about that so much already.

Now that we had both moved away from Minnitaki, we had a broader horizon, though we would always share a closely connected past. With Eddie gone, Raymond had no connection with her family at all, so that link was broken too. I was three years older than Marg. Our age difference was beginning to have a more significant effect now. I was almost finished high school, Marg had just begun. My success in school was very important to me, especially now when my marks would determine my acceptance into university. I knew Marg wasn’t doing well in school. I had heard that the school administration promoted her to grade 10 out of compassion, otherwise she might have failed. I couldn’t blame her for not being able to concentrate on her studies. She was shattered from the loss of her two beloved family members.

As we continued our solemn walk, I could see three girls approaching us. Marg waved to them. I concluded that these must be her newfound friends who Krystyna didn’t like. I wondered if Marg had contacted them to meet up with us. I thought she would like to spend this time with me alone. It seemed like too much of a coincidence that they just appeared.

I could tell immediately that these girls were rough and hardened. They were all smoking. Marg and I never really smoked, though we did try it because we thought it might be fun. Just like when we drank her mother’s awful wine. Though I tried hard to inhale, I usually went into a coughing spasm, and I never did learn how to inhale properly. By that time, teenagers were warned often about the dangers of smoking and how it could affect one’s health. So I had decided that smoking would not be a good idea. I didn’t want to form a habit that I would only have to try to break later.

The girls offered us a cigarette. Marg gladly took one but I declined. I was sure they thought I was a stick in the mud. Marg ignored me and turned her attention towards these girls. I felt immediately like an outsider. These girls made some crude jokes and they all laughed, including Marg. I did not find their jokes funny at all. However, I was pleased to see Marg laughing, as she hardly smiled anymore.

As we continued to walk, I felt more and more out of place with this group. I trailed behind and Marg didn’t even notice. A car drove up beside us and stopped. Two guys were in the front and one in the back. It was evident that the girls knew them quite well. The driver asked them to get in and go for a ride. The guy in the back quickly got out, opened the door, and the girls started to get in. I hesitated. I didn’t want to get in the car, but I also didn’t want to offend Marg.

That day was my attempt to rekindle our relationship, partly because Krystyna wanted me to, but also because I missed Marg. It was not difficult to see that these girls had taken over my place in her life.

The girls invited me to get in the car, but I sensed it was with some reluctance. I was sure they would be quite happy to leave me standing there and take off without me. Marg didn’t seem to care if I came or not. They probably didn’t really want me to come. There were three of the girls and three guys, I would definitely be the odd person out. With some trepidation and against my better judgement, I got in the back, the four of us girls squished together. The guy holding the back door closed it, then told the guy in the front to move over, and he jumped in. They chattered back and forth and, from their conversation, I concluded that we were heading to a cottage on Thunder Lake.

On the outskirts of Dryden, on the highway just past the overpass, they got behind an older car driven by an elderly man. They started tailgating him and bumped into his back bumper a few times. They were laughing loudly and obviously getting much pleasure out of taunting this poor man. Then they sped past him while shouting obscenities at him through his open window. The old man looked scared and nervous, trying his best to keep his concentration on the road.

Then the boys slowed down their car to a crawl in front of the elderly man in a no-passing zone, so he had to slow down too. Finally, at an open stretch, the old man attempted to pass them. They let him go, but as soon as he was in front of them again, they raced ahead and started bumping him again. Then the boys roared past him and slowed down again. I was alarmed. How many times were they going to do this? This was a game for them and they were enjoying it, laughing hilariously. The girls seemed to enjoy it too, but not as much as these boys did. It must have been terrifying for the old man. I felt badly for him.

Finally, the boys lost interest and left the old man behind. The speed limit was 60 miles per hour and they were going at least 100. I wanted to ask them to stop and let me out, and I probably should have.

I was very upset by all this. I was hoping that the police would come by, but the highway wasn’t that busy. These hoodlums were dangerous drivers and they had no respect for anyone else. After about half an hour, they turned off the highway onto a long, narrow, winding dirt road. We stopped at a beautiful cottage, so beautiful that it was more like a summer home. It was high up on the southside and the views of Thunder Lake were spectacular. The place belonged to one of the boys’ parents.

I was not enjoying one moment of being in the company of these boys, and I was afraid of what might happen next. This afternoon was not going well for me. But I was the anomaly, that was for sure. Everyone else was having a good time. The guys offered us drinks, a choice of beer, or rum and Coke, but I just had a Coke. They smoked some more cigarettes, sat around, laughed and made coarse jokes while the girls flirted with them. I thought Marg looked detached from it all. She smiled occasionally, but it didn’t seem like she was having much fun. But she kept close to them and did not converse with me.

My mind was now pre-occupied trying to figure out a way to get home without having to go back with these creeps. It was way too far to walk home. It was getting dark now. If I did try to walk, maybe they would try to run me over. I didn’t like the idea of hitchhiking either, it was something I had never done before. I could stand out there for hours, who knew if anyone would stop for me. I noticed there was a phone on the wall. Could I phone somebody? Who? My mom didn’t have a car. My brothers might not be home, and they wouldn’t come out to get me anyway, I was sure of that.

I was stranded amid a group of people who I loathed, except for Marg. I had no way to get home, a situation I had been in many times before when Cliff had left me stranded. Again, I was dependent on others, something I vowed that I would not let happen to me. I hated this feeling. So my choices were very limited. I was seriously worried that we might not make it back to Dryden safely. These guys were out of control. They were now getting drunk, as well. I decided not to say anything, to grit my teeth and just hope for the best.

We stayed at the cottage for a couple of hours and then we all got back in the car to go back into town. I was very quiet and withdrawn, but nobody seemed to care about me. They were boisterously enjoying each other’s company.

The boys didn’t speed as much going back into town, I was thankful for that. Nor did they harass any other drivers. The guys let us out back near where they picked us up. I marvelled that we had made it back safely. As I stood there, I watched the girls walk away, heading off for more adventure, I supposed. Marg turned around and waved goodbye to me, the others didn’t even bother. I walked home by myself. I knew I couldn’t join in with this group of girls. They were so young and immature compared to me. It was obvious to me that Marg preferred this riskier lifestyle with a rowdier crowd. It seemed I had become too dull and boring for her.

Krystyna phoned me a few more times and begged me to call Marg and invite her out. I explained to her that Marg did not want to hang around with me anymore. Krystyna pleaded with me to please try. She told me that I would be a good influence on her. I waited a while before I tried calling Marg again. Krystyna answered and told me Marg had gone to Winnipeg to stay with her oldest sister for the rest of the summer. So that was that.

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My next position was in the chemical engineering department, where two secretaries worked side by side in a small two-desk office. One of them was taking vacation for two weeks, so I was working with the other secretary, Darla, who was also supervising me. Since I used the high school yearbook as a source of knowledge and information, and because I liked to know who everyone was, I knew something about Darla.

She graduated from grade 12 the year before and immediately got a full-time job at the mill. Darla was the type of Dryden girl who would probably work at the mill for the rest of her life, making a very good wage, happy with her position, and with no more ambition than that. She was only a year older than me, so she was more like a co-worker and colleague, rather than a supervisor. We seemed to get along very well.

Brian was a summer student from the University of Waterloo in southern Ontario. He was a bit nerdy, as engineers tend to be, I supposed, but very good looking in a cute boyish way. I was surprised that he seemed to take any notice of me. After lunch one day, I noticed a note on my desk. It was handwritten in a formal memo format, on lined paper.

To: Marlene

From: Brian

Subject: Clothes

Date: Aug 9/68

Summary: Your outfit looks really smart.

Recommendations: None.

Discussion: None either.

No reply necessary or expected.

This note was written in a simple way, but I thought it was so sweet of him to do this. He was flirting with me. I wasn’t sure though. I had no confidence in myself when it came to boys. Whenever a new boy showed up at the high school, which wasn’t very often, the girls perked up and there would be a flurry of interest. However, Brian was not in contact with many girls because he was a summer student here at the mill, and wouldn’t know many people other than those he worked with. And, as far as I knew, I was the only grade 12 girl working at the mill that summer.

We sometimes saw groups of new boys around town in the summer, they were here to work for the forestry service as junior rangers, for one example. But it wasn’t always that easy to meet them. Here I was, working in the same department as Brian, with easy access to him and also a reason to talk to him. To me, he was someone who could give me status. Other girls would be curious if they saw me with a new guy in town. That was the way I viewed it anyway, but I didn’t think Brian would ask me out or have much to do with me.

Darla saw me smiling when I read the note, and she wanted to see it. I showed it to her. She seemed to be jealous. She didn’t smile or laugh about it.

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On my way out of the office on Thursday, I could hear steps approaching me from behind, at a fast pace. Someone was trying to catch up to me. I swivelled around, and I smiled when I saw it was Brian. We started walking together.

“It would please me very much if you would accompany me to Darla’s party tomorrow night,” Brian said. “It would be my honour if you would be my date.” He worded things in such a way to make me feel very special. I was thrilled that he asked me and almost couldn’t believe it. Such a handsome guy, so polite. I was so surprised. I would love to go with him anywhere anytime, but I hesitated. I was aware that a conscious decision had been made for Darla to exclude me from the invitation list.

Now what should I do? I was sure Brian assumed that I was invited. Darla had been talking about the party openly all week in the office, while both Brian and I were around. Should I admit to him that I was not invited? This was a tricky situation. I felt no allegiance towards Darla because I thought she was two-faced. She shouldn’t have talked so much about an occasion in front of someone, even including them in all the planning details, only to deliberately leave them out. She might have done that on purpose, to make me feel bad. I remembered that she expected some of the guests to bring friends, if they wanted to. Did she consider that Brian might bring a date? I figured she wanted him there, but didn’t want me, especially since she had seen that note. Maybe she was jealous.

“So what do you say?” Brian asked, very politely. He really wanted me to go with him.

“Sure!” I said. I didn’t want to disappoint him.

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I was at home, ready and waiting for Brian to come and pick me up. I kept looking out the front window, waiting to see his antique car drive up. I would soon get to ride in it. This would be so cool. I wondered if anyone would see me in this nice car with this good-looking young man. I would love it if they did. Especially someone from the high school because they wouldn’t know who he was. They would wonder how I got to be in his car. Maybe they would consider that I was not such a loser after all.

Brian was right on time, pulling up in his spiffy vintage Ford, and I immediately came out of the house to greet him. I didn’t want to introduce him to my mom or my brothers. As soon as he stopped the car, he got out and rushed around to the passenger door, and with a big smile, opened it for me and waited for me to get in. I had never seen that done before in Dryden. I had only seen that in movies. Most guys just yelled from their driver’s seat, “Hi! Get in!” What a courteous gentleman.

Darla’s small apartment building was above the underpass, overlooking the Wabigoon River and the mill. When we pulled into the parking lot beside the apartment, Brian shut off the engine and rushed around to my door to open it for me. I was certainly not used to this chivalry. What a Prince Charming he was. We walked up the outside staircase, a couple of floors, to her apartment and he knocked on the door.

Darla opened the door, her eyes popped wide open and her jaw dropped. She was clearly so surprised to see me. She was speechless. She didn’t even say hello, or welcome us in any way. Then her shock quickly seemed to turn to anger. I looked at Brian and he seemed confused at her reaction. After a few moments, she invited him in but avoided saying anything to me. At least she didn’t slam the door in my face.

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What bothered me the most about all my situations with boys was that I did not know why I was so undesirable. I didn’t know how to change that. My enemy was invisible. If I could see it, I could fight it, but I didn’t know what it was. Why did that handsome guy at the dance turn away at the last second? He was eager to ask me to dance until he recognized who it was. Brian liked me up until the point when he got to Darla’s party. What made him change his mind so quickly? It must have been some information that Darla gave him about me. Henry and I had some fun together but he never took me to places where other teenagers could see us. And Buddy went out of his way to stop and talk to me, yet it seemed like he didn’t really want to be seen with me.

I concluded that my chances of ever having a boyfriend in Dryden were slim to none. I accepted the fact that I had to get out of town and meet new people — people who knew nothing about me because there was something that people knew that was preventing me from being desirable as a girlfriend. Dryden was too small of a town for me. Everybody knew everybody else, especially in the high school. I couldn’t shake it. My Freak name, my Freak family, my past, my odd surgery, what was it that turned them off? It would always be a mystery to me.