Chapter 42: I Made It

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— Full chapters will appear in the printed published book. —

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It felt very strange to be walking into Dryden High School again, this time as a teacher. Just three years earlier, I was roaming these halls as a hapless Freak.

“Hey Marlene, what are you doing here?” I ran into Sharee, Colleen’s sister, in the hallway. I almost wanted to tell her that she should now refer to me as Mrs. Walther, not Marlene. I was 21 years old, my appearance hadn’t changed too much, I supposed I could have still passed as a senior high school student.

I looked around and was so surprised to see girls in halter tops and shorts. Since I had been gone, the rules had apparently changed dramatically. Girls didn’t have to wear skirts or dresses anymore, they could now wear pants. Only a few years before, I was almost suspended for wearing culottes.

It was difficult to gain respect from some of the younger students, perhaps because I was so close in age to them. One of the girls in the shorthand class refused to open her book. I told her again to do it. She crossed her arms and said, “Make me!” I contemplated calling the vice-principal, but then I decided not to, as it wasn’t that important. “I can’t make you,” I had to admit it. I just let her sit there. What else could I do? I felt embarrassed because of it, but I lacked confidence. Teaching was a whole new experience for me. Every night, I prepared lessons and marked papers for hours. I was very conscientious about doing a good job.

One day at lunch, I decided to go visit the staff room and sit amongst all the teachers. I felt incredibly awkward. These were the teachers who taught me three years ago and now I was their colleague, an equal. I spent some time in the staff room, but I sure didn’t feel comfortable at all. They weren’t particularly welcoming to me either. I felt as if I was eavesdropping, and also making it uncomfortable for them. I decided that I wouldn’t go there again. I would eat my lunch in the business office or somewhere else from now on. But I just wanted to do it once, to see what it was like, to be moved up so far in the world after just three years.

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More and more, I was experiencing troubling nighttime episodes. In the middle of the night, I would sit bolt upright in bed and start shouting things. This would wake up Roland and he would hold me and push me back onto the pillow, and I would settle down. I wouldn’t ever wake up. Roland would ask in the morning, “What was that all about?” I wouldn’t remember a thing. I wouldn’t remember even having a dream or nightmare, which could have caused me to have such a sudden episode. I didn’t believe what I was shouting was actually coherent, Roland said he couldn’t understand my words.

On rare occasions, this problem got worse, I would actually get up and out of the bed while I was shouting, and head for the door. Roland got concerned when this happened, he would always grab me before I could leave the bedroom. I never became violent or anything.

I wondered if these nighttime incidents stemmed from my troubled childhood, spending so much time alone on the isolated farm, especially the long cold nights.

Also, the creaky old elevator on the other side of the bedroom wall probably didn’t help, nor did the cockroaches that came out at night.

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I noticed a janitor who was sweeping the hallway.

“Sorry, but we don’t allow students into the school until next week,” he said to me.

I smiled. Oh, how my life had changed since I was a Freak on a farm in Minnitaki. I had set goals for myself back then, but I never knew if they were truly attainable. Those dreams kept me alive and hopeful. I did not know if I could dig myself out of the misery.

But I accomplished what I set out to do.

The world was going to be okay, I would be alright.