Chapter 20: Diversions

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— Full chapters will appear in the printed published book. —

The week of the March school break was extraordinarily special in 1964. My brother Doug had invited Raymond and I to visit him for the week in Toronto. Because of my father’s employment with the Canadian Pacific Railway, my mother was entitled to a lifetime of free passes on the train for herself and any dependent children, so the cost of the trip would be small. Mom requested the passes for Raymond and I — and the Freak was heading to the big city!

Mom and Cliff dropped us off at the CPR station in Eagle River in the evening, which was handy and convenient for them because it was directly across the road from their favourite place, where they spent most of their time: the Cascade Hotel and beer parlour. It was still winter in northwestern Ontario and passenger trains rarely ran on schedule. The snow was quite deep and the railway tracks needed to be kept clear. Delays were very common because of weather conditions and other factors. We slept on the hard, wooden benches in the cold train station while we waited. The train finally arrived around 4 a.m.

The train trip from Eagle River to Toronto took the entirety of a full day, around 24 hours. Raymond met someone he knew and sat with him the whole time. I found my own seat elsewhere in the same train car, but quite a distance away from them. I checked occasionally to see that Raymond was still there. During the night, I woke up a few times with someone different next to me. One time I had to push off some old man who had fallen asleep with his head on my shoulder. Raymond and I had a little money for food, so we purchased a package of chocolate-covered oatmeal cookies to eat. By the end of the trip, I was almost nauseous from the sugary sweet taste of these cookies, so threw the last ones out.

Doug lived in Scarborough, just east of Toronto, with the Leslie family, which had brought him with them when they moved from BC. Raymond stayed with them and I was billeted nearby with Donna, a friend of Doug’s, a business woman in her 20s who lived with her widowed mother. In the morning, the three of us sat at the kitchen table to eat breakfast. Then I watched as Donna put on her business suit and make-up and went off to work. She seemed so sophisticated. I watched her with fascination and admiration. That could be me someday, I thought.

In February, the Beatles had appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show three times. Their songs were constantly being played on the radio. I loved every one of them. Donna showed me the Beatles album she bought. As I munched on my toast that morning, I promised myself that someday I would live in a city, wear a business suit and nice shoes, have an office job, put on make-up, look as classy as she did, and have money to buy things, such as record albums. I knew there would be better times for me. I always had positive hopes for my future.

After breakfast that first morning, Doug and Raymond showed up at the door to pick me up. The first thing Doug wanted to do was to take me to a hairdresser to have my hair washed, cut and styled, so I looked presentable. This was the first time I had my hair cut professionally at a hairdresser’s. I should have known by now that I needed help to look better, and probably to smell better, whenever I came to stay with civilized people.

The week was absolutely thrilling for me, I was awestruck by everything I saw. Everything was new to me. It must be so much fun to live in a city instead of on a farm. There was so much to do and see. It was also so much warmer in Toronto in March. Most of the snow had melted by then, whereas we still had at least two feet of snow on our fields in front of our house. Daytime temperatures in Toronto were quite pleasant and spring-like, any snow that lingered was melting fast. Our daytime temperatures in Minnitaki were still below freezing.

Doug took us on a drive to Niagara Falls, about two hours away. It was fascinating for me to see such a famous place that I had only ever heard about but never seen. I bought a postcard with a picture of the falls lit up at night. We stopped at a restaurant and Doug ordered pizza for us. I had never heard of pizza before. It was delicious. Doug showed us around Toronto. I was excited to see the streetcars and people bustling to get to places. One day, we drove to Guelph University to visit Bruce.

At the end of the week, we got on the train which took us back to the barren and cold landscape of northwestern Ontario, back to our parkas, mitts and toques, and back to the misery and wrath of Cliff.

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Marg was three years younger than me but we got along well, maybe partly because our brothers were friends too. Neither one of us had any other close friends. I stayed overnight with her only a very few times when Cliff let me.

To reciprocate, I convinced Marg to stay overnight with me one Saturday night, but I didn’t tell Cliff or mom. That whole idea was a big mistake. As always, Cliff started yelling at 6 a.m. and both of us had to get up and do the chores together with him. Cliff was not pleased that I let her stay overnight so he was even more miserable than usual. I knew he could be like that, plus he was unpredictable, so I shouldn’t have suggested to Marg to stay. I was hoping that he would be nicer with someone around who was unfamiliar, and this might have excused me from the chores so we could play together instead. Fat chance.

I should have also considered that Sundays were the worst days with Cliff because he was home at the farm all day, no beer parlour. I could see that he wasn’t going to give us a break, or let us do anything enjoyable on our own. He made it his mission to control all my time on a Sunday and now he had even more power, he could control Marg too. At least Marg had a choice, she could leave any time she wanted to, and she did.

By noon, Marg was bored, she had enough of Cliff’s crankiness, and told me she was going home. I didn’t blame her. I would have left too, if I had any choice. She started to leave the barn and Cliff saw her. I went after her, but Cliff yelled at me to stop. I said goodbye and watched as she walked up to the house, then I went back to work. At least it was a nice day for her to walk home.

The cold farm must have felt like a prison camp to Marg, so different from her warm home with all the friendly family around, the smells of delicious baking and cooking constantly wafting from the kitchen.

I never suggested a sleepover again, and Marg never came to my house again. It was not a suitable place to invite anyone. Cliff was too unpredictable. It was bad enough that I had to suffer in his presence, there was no need for anyone else to suffer.

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Grade eight was over and the long, lonely summer was about to begin. At least, I could count on summer Bible camp to fill up the first week. This was arranged between the adults, somehow Edith talked to either Cliff or mom when I wasn’t there. When Edith prayed for them, I got the sense that she thought Cliff could be redeemed, and my mother was the cause of his adultery and drinking, so was an unsalvageable heathen. In truth, my mother did believe in God and the scriptures. They were both sinners.

Cliff and mom dropped me off at the highway on the Saturday morning, on their way to Eagle River and, of course, the Cascade Hotel and beer parlour. I stood there and waited for Edith to pick me up. Edith still wouldn’t come anywhere near our home and farm. This could have been part of her strategy to show Cliff how much she disapproved of his awful lifestyle. He had never divorced his wife, was living with a corrupt woman, and he lived a life of debauchery: drinking, smoking, dancing. Cliff’s lifestyle was totally against all the Baptist church’s beliefs and teachings.

The Bible camp’s routine had never changed in the four years I had been attending. It always started with the bugle call at 6:30 a.m., followed by a half hour of swimming until 7 a.m. I always went for the swim, even though it would have been nice to sleep in a bit longer. I was getting slightly bored with the same monotonous Bible stories, interspersed with the usual praying and singing. The girls at the camp were dutiful and sweet, everyone was always well behaved. Every year, we all did as we were told and followed all the edicts carefully.

However, this year a new girl showed up, named Stella. She came into our cabin with a flourish and grabbed the bed underneath my bunk. She looked around and surveyed the room. She introduced herself and we all greeted her with friendly smiles. Stella knew right away that she was different from us. Something about her drew me to her. She was like a spark plug, igniting a new fire into the atmosphere.

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So Stella and I concocted our plan. I was really only a follower anyway. Stella was in charge. After the shortened playtime, they dismissed us and told us to be back at the chapel in 10 minutes. We waited to let the rest of the girls go in the cabin first, so we could get our swimsuits and towels from the clothes line outside without them seeing us. Once inside the cabin, we had to be careful so that no one would notice us putting on our bathing suits under our clothes. Stella was able to do it quickly in the corner, and then she distracted the others so I could put mine on. My swimsuit was still a bit damp from my morning swimming session and I shivered slightly.

We made sure we were the last to leave our cabin, and then we hid behind some bushes until we saw everyone go inside the chapel. We snuck around the cabins and took off running down the trail. Sure enough, she was right, the path did lead to the lake again. We took off our clothes and sunned ourselves on a rock in our bathing suits.

Stella surprised me when she pulled out two cigarettes and a lighter. I knew that cigarettes and some other items were on the prohibited list to bring to camp. Most of these girls would never even think of doing that. Besides being underage to legally smoke, we would also be breaking camp rules. Stella asked me if I wanted a cigarette and I thought I might as well try it. I had never smoked before. I probably could have snuck a cigarette out of my mother’s purse to try it, but I never had a desire. But now, I had an accomplice, so it might be fun. She lit our cigarettes and we took a few puffs.

Just then, two supervisors appeared out of the bush. We had been caught. Now we were in trouble and, worst of all, we hardly had much time to enjoy our scandalous jaunt. First, they made us put out the cigarettes, then they confiscated them. They gave us a stern, long lecture about sinning, being disobedient to God, a disgrace to the camp, and so on. They told us to say we were sorry. I was more of a sheep than Stella, so without hesitation, I said, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not sorry for anything!” Stella exclaimed, defiantly. “This is a bunch of crap.” She wasn’t going to admit defeat to them.

The supervisors brought us back to the camp and made us sit in the office by ourselves, while they figured out what to do with us. Stella and I looked at each other and broke out in giggles off and on, in between assessing how serious the matter was. We would now have a bad reputation at this summer camp.

After a while, they came back in and announced their verdict and punishment. Stella was being sent home. They had already called her parents to come and pick her up. They would let me stay because I had established a good reputation over the past years, so they felt that I could be a good girl again if I wasn’t influenced by Stella.

They told me to go back to the cabin, get dressed properly, and go to chapel. I said goodbye to Stella and did as I was told. Stella was gone and out of my life now. It was fun while it lasted. I didn’t regret being her friend and doing what we did. I liked being a rebel, or at least the sidekick of a rebel.

The rest of the week at Bible camp was very, very boring without Stella. The other girls didn’t want to have anything to do with me now. I stuck to myself and went through the motions, doing exactly what was expected of me. I didn’t veer off their guided path again.

When Edith came to pick me up the following Saturday, I could tell they had already told her what had happened. She was not pleased at all. She expressed her thorough disappointment with me, how much I had embarrassed her because she was considered my guardian, sort of. I was a disgrace. How dare I disobey their rules.

The drive with Edith back to my highway drop point was silently icy. There was nothing I could say to defend myself. I was totally guilty. I thanked her for the ride, got out, and started the 1.8-mile walk home. I wasn’t unhappy about it. I was actually smiling to myself all the way home, as I thought about my time with Stella. I had enjoyed that part of the week. It had been the best time I had ever had at Bible camp.

I knew that was the end of Bible camp for me forever. Next year, I would be too old for that section, and hopefully I would have a summer job. I didn’t think Edith would pay for it again either. I was also becoming too sceptical to accept all their teachings. And in spite of the fact that the farm was lonely and boring, I had now concluded that Bible camp was even worse. At least I had some freedom on the farm and I didn’t have to sit in chapel for five hours a day.

The only thing I would miss from Bible camp was the fun of swimming in the lake.

I tried not to think about other kids my age and how they might be spending their summer. If I thought about it too much, I would get too depressed. This was my life and that’s all there was for me. It was better for me to accept what I could not change.